I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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