OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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