I feel like I'm in dance class right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
