i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
