Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
