dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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