I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
