i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
