It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
