i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
