No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
