my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
