xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
