Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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