I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
