i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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