Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
