imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
