I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
