so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
