Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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