My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
