as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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