you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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