For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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