Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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