I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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