Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
