so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
