I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
