I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
