unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
