so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
