On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
