dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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