i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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