he puts the penis in happiness.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
