Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
