I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
