My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
