he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
