Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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