I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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