Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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