My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
