just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
