What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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