so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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