Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
