my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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