Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
