I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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