I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
