they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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