I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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