Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
