So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
