Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
