So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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