Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
