You're my little dorito
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
